So, I’ve had a day today where I’ve just been lonely, felt like nobody wanted to talk to me, or what I had to say wasn’t important enough for some people. This feeling kinda overlapped from some things that happened yesterday, but I was able to keep my mind off of it because I went to work. Today though, I’ve been left with nothing but my thoughts. So, in my lonely fit, and cleaning rampage, I came across a box of letters that my ex-girlfriend had given me when we broke up. She had never sent them, but kept them in her room in hopes that one day we would get married and she would show me them, but of course that never happened because she was 16 at the time and I was 18. Anyway, the letters really touched me. The first letter was actually from the day we met in 2010, and then several more throughout those years up until we dated. From the time we dated up until the last letter, there were song lyrics she had written, poems, fantasies of us living together with 3 cats and 2 dogs and horses in the back yard. It was really sweet.
We’ve been broken up for almost a year now, and the last thing on my mind is how our relationship was when it was about to end. What did cross my mind, in my loneliness was, “Dang… I really miss this girl.” I had really forgotten just how crazy she was, all of the things she had did that made me want to tear my hair out, or how her parents treated me because I wasn’t a nice catholic boy like they wanted for their daughter. On our first date, she made it clear that she would not be moving in with me until we were married, and the sex wouldn’t come until our honeymoon. That should of been a red flag for me at that point, but me and my innocence was just like, “D’aww that’s adorbs that she is thinking that far into the future.” Her brother thought we were going to become best friends, he was 12, and that was cute too. I even took him our for ice cream once and we talked about boobs. Yep… One night over the summer, I went to a party of a friend of my brother’s, and there was alcohol involved. I had told her I was going to a party, and her mind she must of believed it was a sleep over or something. Ladies, here is a lesson about boys; we don’t have “sleep-overs” just for fun, we have them because we’re to drunk to drive home or because we got in an argument with our parents/roommates/wives (depending on age of boy) and got kicked out of the house. I’m certain there are other reasons why a boy might have a sleep-over, but back on track with this story. So, when I go to this “sleep over”, she texts me and wants to make sure I’m having a good time, and at this point I’m probably not in the best of shape to be texting anybody, so my reply was a garbage can full of letters that didn’t form any words, and ended it with a smiley face that ended up being a :` face, which obviously means I can’t feel my fingers. She didn’t call, she didn’t text, she had her mom drive her (two hour car ride from where she lived) to come take me home. Though, when she got here, I told her I wasn’t coming and locked her outside until she left. Best Boyfriend move? Probably not, but hey, whatever.
So back to my first point, if she was such a crazy girlfriend, pycho really, why am I missing her? After pondering it for most of the day while I plopped my SL avatar by the water of our beautiful island sky-platform so he could ponder it with me, I came up with this: I don’t miss -HER-, I miss the idea of her. Whenever I needed to talk, she was there, and whenever I needed my space, she wasn’t. That was the good thing in our relationship, and that behavior spawned from our friendship really more than our dating-couple-relationship. She was a great friend, but when things got beyond that, we were ready to kill each other. So, this whole “missing her” was pretty much a result of my loneliness and feelings of me not mattering. I’m starting to think that I might of dedicated to much of my life to this game called SecondLife, and now my real life is suffering because I have nobody near me to talk to unless its my family.So, to wrap up this blog post, I’m going to challenge myself to do something. I can’t write about what this said challenge is, but in a week or two I might write about the results. Until next time, enjoy the salad!
Today’s song choice — “Just Give Me A Reason” – Pink ft Nate Ruess (Sam Tsui & Kylee Cover)
Hair- [Burley] Sammy in Black
ISON – Quinton glasses in Monochrome
Piercings – Pekka. Miracle Piercing
Ears – [MANDALA] Simple Ears
Eyes- IKON ‘Sunrise Eyes in Bronze Light
Neck – +ILO+ Neckerchief in mono-black
Shirt – Sleepy Eddy Laceup Denim Shirt in Dark
**The Neck and Shirt pieces are available this month at The Men’s Department**