So I havn’t sat down at the table for awhile, and I kind of miss it. I miss the writing, I miss going out and finding something to write about. I’m home for the summer from College, which means it’s been back to the farm life for a few months. This summer, sadly, has flown by, and it’s gone even faster than flying these past two months, because I met a girl. She’s so much fun to be around, she’s cute as a button, easy to talk to, and more social than I could ever hope to be. Because of how social she is, she feels like she has to spend time with all of her friends, which I can understand. But, when shes with me, she acts different.
I’m not one to get this kind of female attention usually, most people don’t go for the skinny guys whose ribs stick out and who can wrap their thumb and index finger around their wrist with room to spare. I’m not muscular, I didn’t play sports, I don’t hunt, I don’t farm, I don’t really do any dirty hard work, which is the common breed of men from where I’m from. So, as I said, I don’t get winks from girls, nor do I really ever get stopped by them to talk. Of course, this is all just coming from my perspective. The issue at hand might just be that I can’t recognize a flirt or all the signs just fly over my head. Regardless, this girl’s different.
Let me start from the begining. I have a friend, his name is Jake, and he met this girl at his college right before summer started. He goes to a local college, unlike me, so he gets to remain close friends during the summer with all the people he met. Jake had his eye on this girl, and this girl introduced him to her best friend with the intention of hooking my brother up with her. The plan was for Jake to have this girl, and my brother to have her best friend, and life would of been grand. Unfortunately, this girl didn’t feel the same about Jake, so Jake gave up. However, this friend of hers and my brother still talked and hung out, which is how I got to meet this girl who turned town jake. When I first met her, holy cow, she was beautiful, and I just had to keep looking at her to remind myself how pretty she was. She was nice back, something I’d expected from a girl like her, that was the response I usually get from women I like, they act nice and then I never see them again. This wasn’t the case. We hung out about 5 more times after that, even fell asleep together in the same bed (no, nothing happened, pervs.) so I thought things were getting serious, and even thought that maybe this girl liked me and wanted something with me. In my experience, I make a great “Brother-like Friend” to all the girls I like. This is going PAST friendzoned and into family-zoned, which is even more deeper and untouchable. Who wants to kiss their brother? Creeps do, and I don’t like creeps.
Anyway, this girl didn’t seem to be family-zoning me, or even friendzoning me. She liked to cuddle, we could talk all night, but nothing ever came of it, we never became exclusive, we never talked about being exclusive until about the 9th or 10th time hanging out. I told her I liked her a lot, to which she responded, “I need more time.”
So, she needed more time she said, to figure out her feelings. I asked her how long she needed, her answer made my heart ache. She wanted 7 months to a year to decide…
Excuse me? Okay, correct me if I’m being an impatient douche here, but since when does it take 7 months to a year to figure out your feelings for someone… Eshe once gave Lila (both writers here) some awesome advice regarding how to tell if you like someone or not. Eshe said, “If you look at them and want them to take their clothes off and get naked with you, then you like them. It’s that simple.” I don’t know if those are the right words or not, but its close enough to the point. So, excuse me for thinking that someone needs that long to figure out if you care about them or not. In my head, you should know if you like someone within 2 weeks. 2 weeks is a great amount of time, it leaves things to be figured out still but it also doesn’t have you going in blind to a relationship. You don’t want to know everything about the person you’re dating before you start dating, because that leaves nothing to figure out. Being in a relationship with your friend, to me, is just adding the pressure to make things sexual. Im sorry, but I want to learn about you while I’m in a relationship with you, leave things to fate, and if we’re not meant to be, we’re not meant to be.
So, I actually re-confessed my feelings to her a week or so later, just to keep it on her mind, and we ended up sleeping together. (it’s okay to be a perv now, it actually happened)… and then we did it again a few days later. Now I’ve got a problem… I want something serious, she wants something physical. In her mind, when I go back to college she doesn’t have to see me anymore, but I want to see her. So, after a long conversation with her tonight, it left me bummed, kinda heart-broken, and lonely, but still left me wanting to go to her house right now and hug her. She hurt me, and I’ve given up hope that something will come of this relationship other than sex. So, thanks for reading my venting post, I’ve got more of a clear heart now than I did before, typing out my feelings really helped, even if nobody reads this. But if you did read this, please leave a comment with some advice, a hug, or a story of your own of something similar to this. Women are cray, folks… just cray.
P.S. — sorry if it’s too long to read…